A few years ago, I was sitting in an interview when the person across from me asked a question that completely caught me off guard: “Who are you and what makes you tick?”
I sat there for what felt like an eternity. I could tell you all about my experience in the club industry, my background, my professional accomplishments—but who was I, really? What drove me beyond the day-to-day responsibilities and industry expertise?
After a long pause, I finally answered: “The best way to tell you who I am is to tell you what’s most important to me, my loved ones, this industry, and making a difference in the lives of both.”
That conversation haunted me in the best possible way. I realized I’d spent years helping clubs define their mission and vision, understanding their culture and core values, but I’d never taken that same intentional approach to my own life. I was asking clients to dig deep into who they were and what they stood for, while I was operating on autopilot with my purpose.
So I did something I’d never done before—I actually sat down and wrote out my mission statement:
Family, Friends, and Work
- Making a difference in the lives of people I love, those people I help personally and professionally.
- Having that difference appreciated by those I love, those people I work for, work with, and myself.
- Creating a better quality of life for those I love, those people I work for, work with, and myself.
At first, it felt awkward. Almost corporate. But then something interesting happened—I started using it as a filter for decisions, both big and small. When opportunities came up, when conflicts arose, when I wasn’t sure which direction to go, I found myself asking: “Does this align with my mission?”
The more I reflected, the more I realized I needed to go deeper. What were the values that guided my best decisions? After some honest soul-searching, I identified them: Family, Friends, Faith, Respect, Trust, Loyalty, Service/Giving, Strong Belief, Courage (to do the right thing), Vulnerable, Inspiring (Hope), and Grateful.
Having clear values allowed me to stop feeling like I had to be a different person in different settings. Whether I was on a video call with a client or helping with family responsibilities, the same principles guided my behavior. This became especially important during the pandemic when the lines between work and home completely blurred.
I started noticing this played out in our industry conversations, too. For over a decade, I’ve been talking about Return on Experience—the idea that we need to focus as much on the experiences we create as we do on financial returns. But now I realized this wasn’t just a business philosophy; it was connected to my core value of Service/Giving.
This became especially important as I watched what was happening in our society. Basic civility seemed to be disappearing. Empathy seemed to be in short supply. In the club industry, we’ve always prided ourselves on creating spaces where people feel they belong, where relationships matter more than transactions. But I started wondering if that responsibility extended beyond our club walls.
The loneliness of leadership became more apparent, too. Making decisions felt heavier, especially when team members were struggling with their own challenges. But then I’d come back to my values, particularly “Grateful” and “Vulnerable.” Being grateful reminded me to appreciate not just the successes, but the opportunities to grow. Being vulnerable meant admitting I didn’t have all the answers, and discovering that this made me a better leader, not a weaker one.
I started sharing more of my authentic self with my team, my clients, and even my family. Not the polished, professional version, but the real person who sometimes struggled, who made mistakes, who was still figuring things out. The response surprised me. People seemed relieved to work with someone who was human rather than perfect.
The club industry is at an interesting crossroads right now. We’re dealing with staffing challenges, changing member expectations, and evolving definitions of hospitality and service. The leaders who seem to be thriving aren’t necessarily the ones with the most experience or the biggest budgets; they’re the ones who know who they are and aren’t afraid to show up authentically.
The clubs I work with that feel most vibrant are led by people who have clarity about their personal mission and values. They make decisions from a place of principle rather than just pressure. They create environments where their teams feel safe to be real, to take risks, to care deeply about the work they’re doing.
It makes me wonder what our industry would look like if more leaders took the time to really understand themselves, not just their professional expertise, but their personal mission and values. What would happen if we approached leadership development the same way we approach club strategic planning: with intention, depth, and a commitment to understanding our true purpose?
Having that personal mission statement and those core values has given me something I didn’t know I was missing: a sense of direction that goes beyond quarterly goals or annual budgets.
Have you ever taken the time to really define who you are and what drives you? What would you discover if you sat down and honestly asked yourself what matters most? And what might change in your leadership, and in your life, if you had that kind of clarity?
I can’t help but think our clubs, our teams, and our industry would benefit from more leaders who know exactly who they are and aren’t afraid to show up as their authentic selves every day.
If any of this resonates with you, or if you’re wrestling with similar questions about purpose and authentic leadership, I’d welcome the conversation. Sometimes the most meaningful insights come from sharing these thoughts with others who are on the same journey.
Lawrence J “Skip” Avery CCM, CCE, CMAA Fellow
“Make it a great day.”
Director of Club Development
Stone Group Architects
608-335-0342
[email protected]
